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Well my luck seems to have changed slightly (and a good thing too) still not too sure about one* this weekend, but hey if you find out on Monday that I've died you know why!! Haha just kidding, I'm sure I won't die, maybe just broken bones! Lol no I'm not allowed to say that either... I've sworn that I will only have positive thoughts this week/weekend or Gendy will never speak to me again! hahaha and that would be a tragedy so must be positive!!!
I wonder if I'm allowed to not be positive about school? Cause that would really test me if I had to be positive about that! It's not that I'm stressed about year 12... School just doesn't stress me that much.. I just, dont, like, it! I don't mind the people any more, and I don't mind the work as such.. I just don't really see much of a point to it... I mean, I've known what I want to do after school for the last.. nearly 8 years... and if it hasn't changed in that time, I don't see it changing soon... And uni just isn't part of that goal, as much as my dad hates it.. So really, why stress??? As for other people who do want to go to uni, good on you.. but seriously what is the point of spending 12 monthes stressing over a UAI?? There are other ways of getting into these things, no matter how low your uai is, if you want to do it enough you will.
Haha how weird does that sound? I should be motivational speaker! Actually that wouldn't work unless I was in a good mood... But truly I do believe that anyone can do anything if they want it enough.. It's like someone at Athens said "I wasn't better than anyone else there, I just wanted to win more than any of them"... It's so true.. Sure I haven't made it to the Olympics (yet) but you can make stuff happen.. I swear on my shoe you can!
Anyway on a more lighthearted note, I watched Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory the other night... How weird does that Charlie kid look? Actually it's funny watching a movie like that after ages and ages, and your views on them change a lot over that time.. For example how the kids look and act, when I used to watch it when i was.. 7ish they never seemed that odd, sure they seemed like they were from the past a bit, but now I look at them and think how weird they look.. How old would those actors/actresses be now? Like that little kid Charlie, how old is he? Is he still alive? It's funny to think that one day (assuming I don't die of some accident) I will be old and wrinkly in a nursing home or something...
I swear in some ways that scares me more than thinking about dying... I would hate to be old, not in the sense of I'd hate to be old and wrinkly and ugly, but I'd just hate to not be able to do things for myself,... I'd hate not being able to do any sort of physical activity... I really enjoy that sort of stuff.. Like running in basketball, to the point where my hand would shake from holding up my water bottle.. I love it.. I love pushing myself further than I think I can go, and not having any sort of bad effects until afterwards.. I love just doing something until I'm past tired, and feeling like I'm pushing the boundaries of where I believed I could go.. Wow this sounds really odd.. but seriously that's what I love.. I would rather be completely stupid and just be able to run longer, to be stronger.. to do more without fatigue or pain.. it would be so much more to me than being smart, with degrees and books..
Maybe that's why I don't like school.. I feel as though I'm not doing anything? It never seems to change, or move, its just static and the same every day, every year.. I don't feel as though I've progressed anywhere since year 7... Sure I know more stuff.. but really as far as reaching my goals, I haven't gone anywhere at all.. I've been stuck in this everlasting present, with a future I can see but not reach because of school... It's a bit like the sticky floors and glass ceilings, that's what I feel like, or a flea in a flea circus... where they are trained to only jump so high by hitting their heads every time they aim higher...
I think I've said before about the two different "me"s.. I think my old school one is fading, I'm becoming more and more focussed on the other one.. My aim for good marks are completely overruled by my goals outside school.. I just hope in some ways that my school "me" will hang around until my HSC.. I'd hate to have stuck around, and put in all this effort for a bad result because part of "me" faded... There is part of it there, I think I like being social more than I used to, and at lunch and recess, or when I am doing something interesting I concentrate.. but when we're doing nothing, or something I already know/understand I just spend the whole time questioning why I bother... Leah keeps telling me I could leave, and maybe I could... but there is still something in my head stopping me.. I'm not scared of finishing school, I want to be out there... but what is the point of doing all this work if I'm not going to finish the job? I hate backing out of things, I hate regretting things, and although at the moment I can't see me regretting getting out, I also know that I will, even if for no reason... It's like doing exams, I can not try and fail an exam, not legal, or latin, I just can't make myself do it, and never have been able to..
Hmm I have the weirdest thoughts, and they just continue on from one another.. But now that I have gotten some of that out, and my mind is continuing on journeys I don't really wish to type I think I might just end this post here... Ciao!
I wonder if I'm allowed to not be positive about school? Cause that would really test me if I had to be positive about that! It's not that I'm stressed about year 12... School just doesn't stress me that much.. I just, dont, like, it! I don't mind the people any more, and I don't mind the work as such.. I just don't really see much of a point to it... I mean, I've known what I want to do after school for the last.. nearly 8 years... and if it hasn't changed in that time, I don't see it changing soon... And uni just isn't part of that goal, as much as my dad hates it.. So really, why stress??? As for other people who do want to go to uni, good on you.. but seriously what is the point of spending 12 monthes stressing over a UAI?? There are other ways of getting into these things, no matter how low your uai is, if you want to do it enough you will.
Haha how weird does that sound? I should be motivational speaker! Actually that wouldn't work unless I was in a good mood... But truly I do believe that anyone can do anything if they want it enough.. It's like someone at Athens said "I wasn't better than anyone else there, I just wanted to win more than any of them"... It's so true.. Sure I haven't made it to the Olympics (yet) but you can make stuff happen.. I swear on my shoe you can!
Anyway on a more lighthearted note, I watched Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory the other night... How weird does that Charlie kid look? Actually it's funny watching a movie like that after ages and ages, and your views on them change a lot over that time.. For example how the kids look and act, when I used to watch it when i was.. 7ish they never seemed that odd, sure they seemed like they were from the past a bit, but now I look at them and think how weird they look.. How old would those actors/actresses be now? Like that little kid Charlie, how old is he? Is he still alive? It's funny to think that one day (assuming I don't die of some accident) I will be old and wrinkly in a nursing home or something...
I swear in some ways that scares me more than thinking about dying... I would hate to be old, not in the sense of I'd hate to be old and wrinkly and ugly, but I'd just hate to not be able to do things for myself,... I'd hate not being able to do any sort of physical activity... I really enjoy that sort of stuff.. Like running in basketball, to the point where my hand would shake from holding up my water bottle.. I love it.. I love pushing myself further than I think I can go, and not having any sort of bad effects until afterwards.. I love just doing something until I'm past tired, and feeling like I'm pushing the boundaries of where I believed I could go.. Wow this sounds really odd.. but seriously that's what I love.. I would rather be completely stupid and just be able to run longer, to be stronger.. to do more without fatigue or pain.. it would be so much more to me than being smart, with degrees and books..
Maybe that's why I don't like school.. I feel as though I'm not doing anything? It never seems to change, or move, its just static and the same every day, every year.. I don't feel as though I've progressed anywhere since year 7... Sure I know more stuff.. but really as far as reaching my goals, I haven't gone anywhere at all.. I've been stuck in this everlasting present, with a future I can see but not reach because of school... It's a bit like the sticky floors and glass ceilings, that's what I feel like, or a flea in a flea circus... where they are trained to only jump so high by hitting their heads every time they aim higher...
I think I've said before about the two different "me"s.. I think my old school one is fading, I'm becoming more and more focussed on the other one.. My aim for good marks are completely overruled by my goals outside school.. I just hope in some ways that my school "me" will hang around until my HSC.. I'd hate to have stuck around, and put in all this effort for a bad result because part of "me" faded... There is part of it there, I think I like being social more than I used to, and at lunch and recess, or when I am doing something interesting I concentrate.. but when we're doing nothing, or something I already know/understand I just spend the whole time questioning why I bother... Leah keeps telling me I could leave, and maybe I could... but there is still something in my head stopping me.. I'm not scared of finishing school, I want to be out there... but what is the point of doing all this work if I'm not going to finish the job? I hate backing out of things, I hate regretting things, and although at the moment I can't see me regretting getting out, I also know that I will, even if for no reason... It's like doing exams, I can not try and fail an exam, not legal, or latin, I just can't make myself do it, and never have been able to..
Hmm I have the weirdest thoughts, and they just continue on from one another.. But now that I have gotten some of that out, and my mind is continuing on journeys I don't really wish to type I think I might just end this post here... Ciao!
MoNoPoLiSeD @ 8:36 pm
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