"To lose one parent...may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness"
-The Importance of Being Earnest
I'm quite annoyed at my blog right now. I have the urge to write on here, but then i dont want to write what i want to write (yes that does make sense if you're thinking the way that I am).. i think i mentioned on here that i started another blog to write what i want to write but it just isn't working for me.. I'm going to try again today, but it's the same old thing where people do exactly the same thing over and over again expecting a different result. I think people do that cause it's easier to believe that the result will change, than actually making yourself change. Either way i know what wilson means about being unhappy, but not in any particular way or for any particular reason. I mean I have a reason why i should be unhappy, but unless my mind works in strangely abstract ways i cant sense any unhappiness around that area of my thoughts.. interesting. lol im not very good at being cryptic!
Speaking of change I'm actually doing work.. I have pretty much studied for the trials (sorry wilson.. i will try to write t****s from now on) which is good I suppose.. but after getting my assignment mark for english back yesterday, and being completely disappointed.. I'm wondering if i will be able to deal with the disappointment of getting a similar mark in my trials when I've actually worked at it.. I mean I knew the assignment was bad, i wasn't expecting anything fabulous (I've always been bad at assignments) but still.. it was just crappy... and by working it means that I am actually starting to care about my results.. which worries me.. Cause while i dont work i can just blame my laziness if something is bad, but if I do work than what to I blame? Do i start just thinking I'm stupid? It worries me. I'm not saying that I'm going to get all nervous about the exams, I'm just worried about my reaction to my results. I mean the last time i put work in and still did shittily in something i just gave up for about a year. Actually wait.. I've still given up. Hmmm interesting thought... Of course there was the time when i worked really hard and got the marks that i wanted, but not the result (moving classes) and then i also just gave up and purposely did no work and got really bad marks for the rest of the year..
Interesting thought. Other interesting thought is what am I going to do with all these notes when I finish.. I mean it seems like a bit of a waste to just throw them away, I've spent hours on the damn things.. It seems like a bit of a waste me not going to uni too, but that's not going to change my mind on the subject. *sigh* what to do? maybe i could tutor people? but i hate kids, and im no good at school myself, so why would people want to learn from me? hmmm crazy.. i think it would be good, but then i think that it wouldn't... gar stop it! i know what i want to do, im doing it, if it means ive wasted time and paper and effort this year that's just too bad, it's my parents fault (amazing how easy it is to blame stuff on other people)..
I'm reading Lucky Man again.. It's Michael J. Fox's autobiography, mainly about what happened with his Parkinson's Disease etc...It's really well written and I just love it. He was talking about the five stages of loss ms. Kubler-Ross came up with... denial/isolation, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.. i hate looking at those five steps.. i mean how can you make something like grief or whatever predictable? Surely you would expect something like that to be the most unpredictable thing ever... but it's not. Strangely, i dont think it just limits itself to loss, i mean i have that string of reactions to a lot of things, not just people dying or whatever... actually i dont think i have ever had that reaction to people dying.. odd aint it? I think I went through all those stages when thinking about leaving school at the end of year ten, and realizing that I wouldn't be able to (well actually i only realized after the denial stage, but still) Ah well enough talking about ms. Kubler-Ross' theory!
ooo he even has a quote at the beginning of the book... "In accumulating property for ourselves or our prosterity, in founding a family or a state, or acquiring fame even, we are mortal; but in dealing with truth we are immortal, and need fear no change nor accident" - Henry David Thoreau... wow sounds like something for the frontline module at school lol! I'm going to write it in my quote book.. I have a fetish for quotes at the moment.. I'm using a lot of them in my extension two.. I think they're quite good..
What i was actually planning on saying in the last paragraph before I found the quote, was how much I like the opening paragraph of Lucky Man... "I woke up to find the message in my left hand. It had me trembling. It wasnt a fax, telegram, memo, or the usual sort of missive bringing distrubing news. In fact my hand held nothing at all. The trembling was the message." hehehe don't you think it's great?? I do.
Hum hum i've run out of useless things to write about.. ive read harry potter now, and im very angry at it... ok im going to go write something usefull on my other blog, tata
I'm quite annoyed at my blog right now. I have the urge to write on here, but then i dont want to write what i want to write (yes that does make sense if you're thinking the way that I am).. i think i mentioned on here that i started another blog to write what i want to write but it just isn't working for me.. I'm going to try again today, but it's the same old thing where people do exactly the same thing over and over again expecting a different result. I think people do that cause it's easier to believe that the result will change, than actually making yourself change. Either way i know what wilson means about being unhappy, but not in any particular way or for any particular reason. I mean I have a reason why i should be unhappy, but unless my mind works in strangely abstract ways i cant sense any unhappiness around that area of my thoughts.. interesting. lol im not very good at being cryptic!
Speaking of change I'm actually doing work.. I have pretty much studied for the trials (sorry wilson.. i will try to write t****s from now on) which is good I suppose.. but after getting my assignment mark for english back yesterday, and being completely disappointed.. I'm wondering if i will be able to deal with the disappointment of getting a similar mark in my trials when I've actually worked at it.. I mean I knew the assignment was bad, i wasn't expecting anything fabulous (I've always been bad at assignments) but still.. it was just crappy... and by working it means that I am actually starting to care about my results.. which worries me.. Cause while i dont work i can just blame my laziness if something is bad, but if I do work than what to I blame? Do i start just thinking I'm stupid? It worries me. I'm not saying that I'm going to get all nervous about the exams, I'm just worried about my reaction to my results. I mean the last time i put work in and still did shittily in something i just gave up for about a year. Actually wait.. I've still given up. Hmmm interesting thought... Of course there was the time when i worked really hard and got the marks that i wanted, but not the result (moving classes) and then i also just gave up and purposely did no work and got really bad marks for the rest of the year..
Interesting thought. Other interesting thought is what am I going to do with all these notes when I finish.. I mean it seems like a bit of a waste to just throw them away, I've spent hours on the damn things.. It seems like a bit of a waste me not going to uni too, but that's not going to change my mind on the subject. *sigh* what to do? maybe i could tutor people? but i hate kids, and im no good at school myself, so why would people want to learn from me? hmmm crazy.. i think it would be good, but then i think that it wouldn't... gar stop it! i know what i want to do, im doing it, if it means ive wasted time and paper and effort this year that's just too bad, it's my parents fault (amazing how easy it is to blame stuff on other people)..
I'm reading Lucky Man again.. It's Michael J. Fox's autobiography, mainly about what happened with his Parkinson's Disease etc...It's really well written and I just love it. He was talking about the five stages of loss ms. Kubler-Ross came up with... denial/isolation, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.. i hate looking at those five steps.. i mean how can you make something like grief or whatever predictable? Surely you would expect something like that to be the most unpredictable thing ever... but it's not. Strangely, i dont think it just limits itself to loss, i mean i have that string of reactions to a lot of things, not just people dying or whatever... actually i dont think i have ever had that reaction to people dying.. odd aint it? I think I went through all those stages when thinking about leaving school at the end of year ten, and realizing that I wouldn't be able to (well actually i only realized after the denial stage, but still) Ah well enough talking about ms. Kubler-Ross' theory!
ooo he even has a quote at the beginning of the book... "In accumulating property for ourselves or our prosterity, in founding a family or a state, or acquiring fame even, we are mortal; but in dealing with truth we are immortal, and need fear no change nor accident" - Henry David Thoreau... wow sounds like something for the frontline module at school lol! I'm going to write it in my quote book.. I have a fetish for quotes at the moment.. I'm using a lot of them in my extension two.. I think they're quite good..
What i was actually planning on saying in the last paragraph before I found the quote, was how much I like the opening paragraph of Lucky Man... "I woke up to find the message in my left hand. It had me trembling. It wasnt a fax, telegram, memo, or the usual sort of missive bringing distrubing news. In fact my hand held nothing at all. The trembling was the message." hehehe don't you think it's great?? I do.
Hum hum i've run out of useless things to write about.. ive read harry potter now, and im very angry at it... ok im going to go write something usefull on my other blog, tata
MoNoPoLiSeD @ 12:06 pm
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