extension 2
I'm so angry... and upset... and I knewwwww i was going to do badly in my viva voce but seriously!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I got my mark back today (in case you couldnt tell) and it sucks... really really sucks.... and as much as i knew it would be bad because i cant speak, i cant explain myself and i was nervous (which i never am so i didn't know what to do about it) but i somehow deluded myself into thinking that maybe i didn't do that badly... some of the comments were that maybe i was having trouble imagining what im talking about.... excuse me, I chose my concept because I understand it all too well and i wanted to say something about it!!! I never wanted to be a feminist or say anything about that, I wanted to talk about something i understand... how can he tell me i don't understand my concept? I LIVE WITH MY DAMN CONCEPT, HOW CAN I NOT UNDERSTAND IT?!?!?!? Sorry, getting a bit angry....
Well I diddo badly, and mr gates WAS looking at me when he said that some people wouldnt be happy with their mark.. well youre DAMN RIGHT im not happy.. not happy at all... which is odd.. I mean i dont really care about school, none of this matters in the scheme of things, but as far as i can see, I used to actually believe i could write reasonably well, and all this process has taught me is that i cant, i cant come up with a good plot and i cant write well... maybe i should have done critical, at least ive always known that i cant write an essay, and there is no way i would have gotten stupid mr gates for it!! How the hell have i deluded myself this whole time into thinking I might actually do well at extension 2? I mean seriously? How have teachers deluded me by telling me i can write... no thats not fair... some of them never told me that... and i cant blame anyone else for this... ive i wasnt so determined to prove a point (and drop legal) i would just drop extension 2, that's how disappointed i am.. and no not even in my mark, just in myself.. cause i dont like self-deception and that's all ive been doing since i started the damn thing... or before that, but this has just brought it all out...
Argg what do you people care? (if there are actually people who read this crap) it doesnt matter to you! and now im being a hypocrit cause i said that school didnt matter to me.. well it doesn't, in the long run, but when i convince myself that i want to do something well, it does matter to me... I was so excited about this... I always said that if i could drop as many subjects as i like then id have my four units of english and ancient.. well now im not sure that i want to do ancient (or that im any good at it)... before this year i would have kept maths only now i suck at that too and my marks are just going to get worse and worse until people ask me why i dont work as hard as i used to.. well NEWS FLASH i work more than i used to!! I had NEVER worked before this year and now i do, but whats the point? Im doing this all to please other people, and for a while i deluded myself (again damnit) into believing that maybe it wouldnt be so bad and i could enjoy it.. well i dont! I enjoy my 2unit and 3unit english, thats IT! Even getting Raphael back for hospitality hasnt changed much...ill still do crap.. garrr i hate school......
"Now, now, don't be so melodramatic." that's what my mum tells me every time i complain about school... ironic... very ironic...
I'm sorry, this is a very angry and whingey post, so ill just stop now before the sad people who read this think that i am definately insane (and possibly dangerous).. goodbye
Well I diddo badly, and mr gates WAS looking at me when he said that some people wouldnt be happy with their mark.. well youre DAMN RIGHT im not happy.. not happy at all... which is odd.. I mean i dont really care about school, none of this matters in the scheme of things, but as far as i can see, I used to actually believe i could write reasonably well, and all this process has taught me is that i cant, i cant come up with a good plot and i cant write well... maybe i should have done critical, at least ive always known that i cant write an essay, and there is no way i would have gotten stupid mr gates for it!! How the hell have i deluded myself this whole time into thinking I might actually do well at extension 2? I mean seriously? How have teachers deluded me by telling me i can write... no thats not fair... some of them never told me that... and i cant blame anyone else for this... ive i wasnt so determined to prove a point (and drop legal) i would just drop extension 2, that's how disappointed i am.. and no not even in my mark, just in myself.. cause i dont like self-deception and that's all ive been doing since i started the damn thing... or before that, but this has just brought it all out...
Argg what do you people care? (if there are actually people who read this crap) it doesnt matter to you! and now im being a hypocrit cause i said that school didnt matter to me.. well it doesn't, in the long run, but when i convince myself that i want to do something well, it does matter to me... I was so excited about this... I always said that if i could drop as many subjects as i like then id have my four units of english and ancient.. well now im not sure that i want to do ancient (or that im any good at it)... before this year i would have kept maths only now i suck at that too and my marks are just going to get worse and worse until people ask me why i dont work as hard as i used to.. well NEWS FLASH i work more than i used to!! I had NEVER worked before this year and now i do, but whats the point? Im doing this all to please other people, and for a while i deluded myself (again damnit) into believing that maybe it wouldnt be so bad and i could enjoy it.. well i dont! I enjoy my 2unit and 3unit english, thats IT! Even getting Raphael back for hospitality hasnt changed much...ill still do crap.. garrr i hate school......
"Now, now, don't be so melodramatic." that's what my mum tells me every time i complain about school... ironic... very ironic...
I'm sorry, this is a very angry and whingey post, so ill just stop now before the sad people who read this think that i am definately insane (and possibly dangerous).. goodbye
MoNoPoLiSeD @ 6:11 pm
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