speaking vs. writing

It's funny, I started this thing because I can always say things better when I write them than when I say them. I'm not a very "tell everyone every detail of your life" sort of person, and while that doesn't bother me most of the time, occasionally it does. Like lately I've been wanting to tell someone some of the stuff I've been thinking, but they'll get the wrong idea.. because as I've said, I'm not very good at expressing myself (which is pretty clear from this blog).. Like anyone that I've told about some of the stuff with my parents immediately go all sympathetic on me, I don't want anybody's sympathy.. I just wanted to say it (or I didn't but ended up having to anyway).. and if I say other stuff I'm worried that people will go all sympathetic on me again, and not realize that I'm not sad, I'm not depressed, it really doesn't bother me in any significant way, except that nobody else knows about it... Maybe it's the case of knowing you're not allowed to do something so it's the first thing you want to do. I know this is an awful way of writing it because it sounds like one of those attention seeking "please ask me what I mean" things, well it's not, please don't ask. It's just what I'm thinking, and sadly starting another blog so I could write exactly what I was thinking and actually express it to people (who conveniently don't know me) was highly unsuccessful, cause it doesn't feel like I've said anything at all.

It's also ironic that I've tried to put some of the stuff I'm thinking, or some of the things that are happening to me at the moment into my extension 2, and every time i do, mr gates says it's not realistic enough and I should get rid of it.. so I do.. but it poses an interesting question, if it's not realistic in a fictional story, then is my life just unrealistic? I don't think so. Am I so unrealistic that the things that I say sound absurd? Maybe they do, but nobody has ever told me, and if they do sound absurd, but I've said them, then surely they are realistic? It was the whole battle with my concept in the first place.. I was my concept, but Gates told me that it's not realistic, that I "appear to be having difficulty working out the reactions the character would have to this situation".. what's wrong with my reactions? Come on, I'm reasonably sure I'm not a figment of my own imagination, and I'm fairly sure that what's happening to me does exist, and that my reactions to it aren't manufactured, so what part of it is unrealistic?

Gar that annoys me. You try and write something with meaning and people tell you it doesn't make sense, it doesn't sound "true" enough. How much more true can it get? If I published an autobiography (gee that would be a good read) would someone consider that fiction, because what I say is just so beyond the capacity of anyone's imagination? I hope not! Arg I should go, this is just pissing me off now. Byez