Aerodynamically, the bumblebee shouldn't be able to fly...

but the bumblebee doesn't know it, so it goes on flying anyway.

Tehehe I love that quote.. Dunno why.. Anyway, onto more depressing matters, school started again today. What a let down after such a great holiday.. I did in fact try to write about my holiday but the whole lot disappeared when I pressed "Publish Post" and so I got very angry at the computer before admitting defeat and deciding not to try again!!!

Meh anyway can't be bothered writing anything really.. Except to say that Mr Hird bought five boxes of permenant markers, how hilarious! tata!

Confuserization

Yes I'm confused... I need to write out what im doing the rest of my holidays cause I have this sneaking suspicion I've double booked something... I can't remember what though!!!! Damnit!!!
OK...
Today: Saturday: PC Grounds with Megan
Tomorrow: Sunday: Jump Club
Monday: lesson w/ Mel, otherwise free
Tuesday: Work on camp
Wednesday: Clinic at Macarthur
Thursday: Work on camp
Friday: Get ready for berrima, otherwise free
Saturday: Berrima
Sunday: Berrima
Monday: Board games night?!
Tuesday:Board games continued?!
Wednesday: School :(

Geez that makes these hols seem short, and in there somewhere I have to do my english and ancient assigs as well as writing 3000 words of my extension two!! GARRRRRRRRRRRRRR Well it looks like that's todays job then, before i go to the PC. Tata! Wish me luck! lol

Scone

Well I was competing at scone from friday and saturday.. We came home yesterday cause it takes over 3 hours to get there and we weren't finished on saturday until around 5pm.. so we just stayed that night! Anyway it was Fox's first event with me, and second in his life. He was really good. We were 5th after dressage with a really great test, knocked a rail showjumping but moved up to 4th anyway... Cross country had lots of hills, and cause he used to be a racehorse he's not exactly used to cantering down hills, so we had to walk down all the hills.. anyway we ended up a minute over time and had a runout (there was a jump at the top of a hill and he jumped sideways, missing the jump).. So we ended up 23rd (which kinda sucked but oh well!).. So that was my weekend at scone!
Hmm I thought I had more to write but I can't be bothered so BLA! Hope everyone had fun on retreat tata!

Retreat

haha well people are on the retreat now (or on their way, not sure how long it takes to get there) so I hope everyone has fun, but not too much! lol na just kidding, have all the fun in th world! Which brings me to the point, how much fun is there in the world? I mean is there just a certain amount, which means that there is no time when everyone can be having fun cause there just isnt enough to go around? Does that mean that if half the world's population just died suddenly the people who were left could have fun all the time? lol what a crazy thought!

Anyway I'm really just on here to procrastinate (i love that word)... cause I should be re-writing the rest of my extension one creative thing, but im lazy so I'm on here instead. I've noticed that there's a lot of spirderman on tv at 7am.. I've never really watched tv at that time before, but now every morning i get woken up by the spiderman song! I have to say that whoever does the voice doesn't really get into it much.. I mean something strange happens and he says "oh" but sounds really bored while he says is! Certainly not a cartoon people have spent a lot of time on.. I also noticed this morning that they use the same scenery for different episodes.. not the same city or something normal like that, but a cave that he always seems to fall into, which always has different bad guys in it.. The other thing I noticed is that these little gremlin things attack him and he goes "oh theyre good fighters, shame theyre bad guys" how does he know theyre bad guys? Just cause they attack him, I mean really! If something attacked me I wouldn't necessarily say it was bad, maybe it was attacking me for something I had done!!!! GEEZZZ high-and-mightyman is what they should call him!!!

Hahah this post has no plot to it at all.. so I'll add some, perhaps from my story again. Just so you know this is from the first book ok?! cool. Ooo it's a long bit...

When she had reached her end of the lane she turned Rimo, careful to keep her shaking hands soft on the reins. She saluted her new knight-master, he did the same before they both leant forward, and asking their horses to gallop. She could see his shield, moving with his horse as they galloped towards eachother. The wind was roaring in her ears but she didn't hear it. She chose her target point. Her lance hit it square, but she didn't see it for the pain searing through her left arm. She had expected a blow, but her arm felt as though it had been hit with the force of a catapult. She gingerly turned Rimo, grimacing.

Raoul's expression was one of ecstasy. "I so miss jousting! Surely it is the reason to become a knight!" he looked at her more closely "Did I hurt you?"

She didn't want to appear weak "No my lord, my arm is simply numb. I am used to the strength of the pages only." It took her until now to realize that she hadn't gone flying yet. She kept her face blank but grinned in her mind.

"Shall we go again?" Raoul really was grinning. He looked like someone who had heard that mid-winter festival had come early, except that he hated festivals.

"Of course, my lord."

While she made her way back to her end of the lane she shifted her arm, just to make sure that it still worked. Then she turned and saluted once again. It didn't seem to take as long to reach him this time. His 6 foot 3 height made him seem like a giant, seated perfectly on his huge gelding. This time she aimed for the point on his shield which unseated most pages. She doubted anything would happen, but she wanted to show that she was making an effort.

This time when they struck, her right arm was also in pain, and her lance shattered with the impact. She was worried she would drop her shield with the pain in her arm. But it was soon back to a slightly more bruised, numb feeling. Raoul was busy padding two new lances when she turned, his had also shattered this time.

Before she reached him she saw Alanna standing by the fence, beckoning her. Alanna was the girl's hero, the single lady knight who had hidden her identity for years to win her shield. She was also a good friend of Raoul. Alanna was grinning. "If you can unseat him, I'll let you have a run against me." she laughed "Try the same again, just a little more to the front, used to work every time."

"You have unseated him?" could she be more in awe of Lady Alanna?

"Oh yes, I'm the last one who did, five years ago. Of course then he stopped challenging me. Try it." she winked. Raoul had made his way over and had his eyebrows raised in mock suspicion.

"Are you corrupting my squire?" Alanna laughed and shook her head "Good." he grinned and handed the girl one of the lances. To her he said "I am impressed, nobody has stayed on this long with me in years. Do not think I am taking it easy either, that last one would have hurt, most go flying."

Alanna's plan may just work she thought to herself if the impact doesn't shatter my entire arm! For the third time she saluted and Rimo leapt forward. Now she focussed on a new point. It came rushing towards her and her lance was pointing to it. When the impact came she thought her arm had shattered. It was then that she looked back to see Raoul half out of the saddle and in the process of clambering back up. She could hear Alanna almost crying with laughter, holding the top rail of the fence for support.

"I guess your spot was right." said the girl as she rode up to the knight who was gasping for air. "He won't be angry will he?"

Alanna who was getting her breath back dissolved into laughter once more "Angry? It was brilliant!" she sobered slightly "He is a good sort, look he is laughing already." She pointed and the girl turned. Sure enough, Raoul was in a similar state to Alanna as he trotted over.

"I haven't been that close to hitting the dirt since... Well, when she dumped me last." he laughed pointing to Alanna. He raised his eyebrow quizzically "You never told me how that spot works by the way..." Alanna shook her head grinning "I knew it was a bad idea to have you around!" he grinned and tried to look accusing, failing entirely.

"Now I promised you a shot if you could unseat him. You made it halfway so I'll have one run before I must go." she smiled slyly "Just imagine how jealous Meathead over here will be if you can unseat me. Especially after he got dumped so many times in the attempt." Meathead pretended to ignore her. The girl was nervous. Alanna had never been unseated to this day. Soon however Alanna was on her horse and making her way to the other side of the lane, still chuckling to herself.

Wow that really was long eh!!! Lol anyways, hope you enjoyed it! Tata

Not sure...

I'm not sure what I'm meant to write.. Everyone is going on the retreat tomorrow.. I'm having a lesson with gendy tomorrow, thursday I'm having a lesson with mel and going to talk to mr hird (lol just what you always do when our term is over 3 days early!) and on friday and saturday I'm competing!

Anyway I think my mum will expect me to write something about my uncle on here. He has cancer again (read the last post) but they think it might be in an organ as well... cut a long story short if its in the organ he'll be dead by the end of this year. He's 30 something. If it's not it will probably be in the next 20 years... Either way his life isn't looking like it's going to be a long one.. My mum told me all this, and I have to say (as much as I hate myself for it) I still don't feel anything. Am I supposed to be sad? He IS the only relative I like on my dad's side of the family, so surely i should feel something? As much as I try to make myself said about it i'm really not. I mean sure I think it is sad to die so young, or even to be told that you are going to... but I don't feel sad, I just think it is sad. Anyway I've done my bit now and talked about him.

Anyway as for the talking with mr hird. It's about my extension one exam. Cause we had parent-teacher interviews last night (all of mine were pretty good except legal!) and so far that's the only exam I've gotten lower than 75% for (I don't know my ancient mark yet though).. So I wanted to ask him about it and get his criticism etc. Lol I don't know why I have suddenly turned into such an english nerd but I have lol. Funny that I don't really care about school, and had never studied until this year, but now I'm working really hard at it.. Interesting eh? Anyway because I can never get a response about my extension 2 I'm going to ask mr hird about that too, and a couple of things with english! lol what fun!!! I think steph's msn name is starting to apply!!!

Anyway I wrote some more of that story today. I'm not meant to be writing it (it's a sequel to that 108 page one), I'm meant to be working on my extension 2 and the story i said I would finish by next term (fat chance of that)... Anyway I'm gunna put a little extract here, tell me what you think!!!!!!!

She opened her eyes. The room was dimly lit. She opened her eyes. Her knight-master was sitting by her bed. She opened her eyes.

Lord Raoul handed her a glass of water. "You idiot! Do you have a death wish?" he was joking but his tone was still grim. Her mind was fuzzy, slowly she remembered. The arrow. She looked at her arm where a thick bandage was wound.

"You're asking a girl who decided to become a knight if they have a death wish, I would say it's pretty obvious." she croaked before struggling to sit up. Her arm was well near useless and she promptly collapsed again. He pulled her up and placed pillows behind her back. "I always knew there was insanity in my family." she groaned. The knight just laughed and handed her a plate.

"Well my squire, I suppose I should ask you why you would jump in front of an archer?" he raised his eyebrows. She shook her head, to be honest she didn't have a clue.

Lol so anyway thats a short little extract! I'd put some of my extension2 on here, but I'm not sure if I'm allowed. Anyways maybe I'll put some more of the story tomorrow! it can be a little topic of interest for each post (there has to be at least one reason to read this thing!) Tata!

Denial

I think I had an epiphany today! lol not quite, but I had a realization I guess you'd call it. I realized that for about the last year or two I have been living in denial. This didn't come as a surprise, and despite the fact that I've now realized it, my attitude hasn't changed in the least.

Today my grandmother came to talk to my mum as she usually does. They were discussing my uncle who has been in hospital for what they think is cancer. This will be the third time he's had it. He had it once when he was six, not sure what type.. He's now around 35 or so and he had a thyroid tumour a few months ago (wouldn't have a clue how to spell it, it's in your throat)... He also had his shoulder playing up then, but now they think he has cancer again in his shoulder on the nerve. I'll admit that's pretty damn tough, I mean to have had cancer three times before you're forty.. Needless to say my grandmother thinks he is going to die, actually a lot of people do, I mean how many people have cancer this many times and survive it? Anyway this isn't the point, it's the background of the situation... SO back to the beginning, my grandmother was over to talk (actually she still is) anyway I just walked through to get to the pantry, while im in there i hear them both crying (my mum and my grandmother), so I stay in the pantry and pretend I'm looking for food in the noisiest packet possible.. They slow down a bit and as they do the dogs start barking so I take my opportunity and go out onto the veranda..

Now this made me realize that I have been acting as though this wasn't happening.. I mean now that I realize I don't feel like I care any more.. I like my uncle, he's my favourite relative on my dad's side... But it doesn't seem to me like he is going to die, and if he does, would it really make any difference to me? My grandfather died years ago and my mum told me.. and I had been having nightmares about it, but then mum told me, and i didn't really care. I don't mean I was happy he had died, but I didn't really feel any different.. I cried because I forced myself to, but really it just didn't matter to me all that much. Now there's the chance that my uncle will die and I think I'm having the same thing, I don't feel anything at all.

In this I also realized I've been the same about my parents splitting up and us having no money. I don't feel any different knowing that we could lose the house, that we're probably going to have to move to some really cheap and crap suburban place.. It just doesn't effect me. My dad moved out around christmas and I couldn't care less. He and mum were both crying and acting like I should be upset, but what should I be upset about? It didn't surprise me, and since he's moved out it's been no different except that he doesn't annoy me as much.

I always deny stuff, like my mum will spend hours on the phone to her friends, and half of it she'll spend complaining about dad, or being all upset about it... And she whispers, like I don't know what she's talking about.. Point is I do, but it doesn't effect me at all.. I just sit and do my homework and pretend I can't hear what she is saying.. I don't care, and I don't feel any sympathy for her at all.. Which makes me wonder, when am I going to feel something? Is it just waiting for me in one big hit later down the track? Maybe I'm catching every emotion in a net and just storing it away for later, but one day the net will burst and I'll have to feel everything I've ignored... Then again maybe not! I've always been a person that imagines how sad they would be when someone or something dies, then when it happens I'm not sad at all.. Maybe I really do have no compassion.

Lol ok i'll finish my rambling now, I'm not trying to be all philosophical, or even have a bitch about things, I'm just curious... Cause I think other people feel things a lot more than I do, and even though I wouldn't call it a little bubble of happiness, I feel like I'm in a bubble, maybe just a bubble of nothingness. Anyways that's my tale about being in denial, or what I'm going to call denial cause I have no better word for it!